Hitting the Wall

No, this entry is not about Sarah, thank God.

Arrested for dealing! Bond is 6-figures! *&^%$#*U% HEROIN. Another victim of the illness. Another circle of friends and family buried in hurt and pain. Mind-numbing shock! Some stinkin' boyfriend involved, too.
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Her Mom and Dad attended Saturday's Parent Education meeting. What courage it showed because, as they said and we all know, "no one else gets it!"

Explanation: Addiction is a horrible disease in which the addict's willpower is destroyed. The best description I can offer is that the addict becomes possessed, cunning, and amoral. Not by choice anymore. The occasional user, the recreational user, the abuser, has becomes an ADDICT, not your child, and no longer in possession of the ability to rationally choose right from wrong, or even know the difference!

In the two weeks following her release there were signs! Her parents' hope for her recovery was so strong yet they were caught between allowing her a balance of freedom and cautious control (she's living at home) despite the fear of her relapse. The good show and the lies in disguise gave them some false sense of security. We wanted to believe the best.

Explanation: Sarah knew. Sarah challenged her, reminded her of their mutual commitments but while Sarah knew, she couldn't stop her. Neither could her parents or friends. The post-use semi-sleep head nodding, the fading in and out of conversation, and pinpoint pupils all forecast her trajectory as surely as some trig or calculus problem.
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Background: This woman was one of Sarah's recent roomies! A friend. Common background, common drug of choice, common treatment. Both young women arrived at Tara for in-processing at nearly the same hour. We sat on facing-couches awaiting assessment, body and possession searches, and in-patient admission. We all exchanged the glances of familiar strangers. I wondered which person the incoming patient was. Dad? No, he looked fit, healthy and confident. Mom? Gosh, her eyes were ringed with pain and sadness. She wasn't looking around the room, just hugging a really perky 20-something young woman. Mom, maybe? No, we knew it wasn't Mom. How sad that Heroin seeks out the young and attempts to destroy them. Yes, it was Miss Perky. She was to be a first-time in-patient with a bad history of use. The illness had already nearly destroyed her life (ODs and other situations) so she reluctantly was going to give this program a try.

Treatment: Fast forward 30 days. Almost inexplicably, this lovely young woman from a lovely, supportive family was released without the option of the transitional residential program, the same in which Sarah now lives. What happened? No one can really explain the course of the next 11 day to destruction and arrest. I'm certain the confidential treatment plans were shared, agreed to, and launched. But doggone it (a substitute phrase for much greater frustration) we're so sad for Mom and Dad, for the family, and for their daughter. The recent arrest leaves the parents, rookies to treatment and follow-up, bewildered and wondering why 30 days didn't work. Did staff have any fears or concerns about releasing her? Just because it was a first time, maybe everyone underestimated the probability of relapse? Relapse with a vengeance.!

The Sermon: Parent education is so important to the mental health of the addict and the family and friends of addicts. Disabuse yourselves of the idea that "choice" is involved. There was choice years ago when we snuck a first drink, tried a first hit, or that one little pill. "-ism" is a progressive disease that discriminates. Some escape missing the horrible consequences. Some, predisposed by genetics or circumstance, do not. For the addict in full-blown addiction there is no rational choice in the matter. Wham, bam, thank you ... sliding down the slope of destruction.

The Encouragement: For those loved ones: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it! You can learn more about addiction. Don't assume you know all about how easy it is to "cure it" and change. Take a few hours to study it on the web or in person at a support group or AlAnon type program.
(Here's a quick start: http://www.drugfree.org/ )
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The End for Now: Sarah's friend hit the wall. We know that this blog entry might well have been Sarah's story. Her friend is one of us, her family is one of us, our bonds were forged in the fires of trial ... and our prayers are with them one and all.