Question

Susan asks. You probably have, too. I wonder.

Why?

Why did Sarah start using?

Why didn't previous rehab attempts work? What is missing from recovery?

Fast forwarding through the questions of the past to the question for today.

Question: What took us so long to enter Sarah in a live-in rehab or recovery program?

Answer: It's complicated.

Sarah rejected any discussion of a formal program. Susan kept hoping that providing a safe home base would ultimately win her heart. Sarah was working, despite a pretty bad employment history, and she actually seemed to like Dunkin Donuts. Maybe steady work would help her get clean and then maybe school and then maybe she would be launched into a healthy future.

As things got worse our line in the sand became this: "one more crime and we'll have you arrested. No more fixing things for you".

Finally even Susan couldn't find any other answer. This threat was the only way to get Sarah's attention, to keep the addict from further self-destruction. Within hours of the agreement between Susan and me we reached out to Kevin, the son who is also a public defender. We took a quick assessment of thoughts from our other children. Kind as they are, all agreed, enough was enough!

We let go, stopped trying to control the outcome, and firmly informed Sarah that her arrest was imminent. By letting go we actually freed our minds and hearts a bit and stepped away from the stress, the anguish, and the anxiety. Not completely away but at least we put some big decisions right in Sarah's face!

Meanwhile, Fr. Brian Doerr, a friend, once again suggested considering Tara or another more spiritually based recovery program. With just minutes to decide, the light shone through. Following a quick web survey of immediate options, we overcame our pride and temporal concerns and called Tara. The preliminary assessment was followed a few days later by a financial discussion and action. We presented the alternative: arrest or agreement to last-chance treatment. Within three hours we drove Sarah to the Center. Ninety minutes later we drove home and Sarah dug-in to stay. Somewhat happily.

What changed? We know our best efforts at parental love and concern did not guide the outcome. The Spirit was working. Even Sarah seemed relieved, if unbelieving, and then committed herself to accepting our help and to working this program as she had not before.

In the end, the question is not "what took us so long" but rather "what happened to put Sarah's life back in the realm of hope?"

Answer: It's complicated!