More Questions

How is Sarah?

While she's in recovery, she is temporarily safe. Even so, she remains at grave risk. Whether she stays 30 days or 60 days is immaterial. She's been through similar rehab programs and can go through the motions and easily graduate to the next stage while faking it. Moving on will not be the end of the beginning. Moving on merely reopens the doors to set her free without the necessary skills required to fight the disease. She is not prepared! Addiction is winning, tightening it's grip, destroying her ability to live up to her commitment to stay clean.

Is she safe?

Relatively.

The question of being safe will be a lifelong concern. Sarah's use is long past the experimentation; long past recreational use; long past abuse. She is deep into the stages of addiction.

Saturday Sarah fessed up to a few things all would agree are pretty significant. Consequences in the current program are expected Monday; other "come clean" issues relate to more things missing and gone forever from home. She's working on becoming "honest" yet the truth is cloaked in mystery that will only partially reveal itself.

So you see any progress?

We see and hear a lot of things. Some are true, some are true to a degree, and we're not sure about the rest.

Progress? She looks better, has a temporary sponsor, talks rationally, and knows this recovery program gives her a chance to change. Progress, not perfection.

Tomorrow marks 2 weeks from the day of her admission and that concerns us greatly because the 30 day program is almost halfway up! Two months may not be enough clean-time to sustain her sobriety and drug-free living. We're pretty convinced long-term rehabilitation offers Sarah her only real chance to change, to stabilize, to live. Long term? Six months or more to work the program in isolation from the people, places, patterns ... even that may not be not good enough because heroin is readily available - period. Recovery programs and Alcoholics Anonymous / Narcotics Anonymous are places to grow but they are also risky for contact with people not committed to being clean. What about a combination of options? Perhaps Michigan and pretty intensive NA or AA. Halfway House?

We didn't cause it, we can't control it, we can't cure it.

We can have a great plan but "our plan" won't be the answer. Sarah has to have the plan and work it.

What does "to live" mean for Sarah? Are you serious? Could she die? Yes and yes.

Overdosing is deadly. Heroin has no FDA label; quality control is laughable. But for timely intervention and ER care, Sarah would be dead now. The next episode of use may be her last, and because she does not care if she dies, the all important "will to live" cannot save her. She is at 11:55 on the Doomsday Clock. Nothing speaks louder than her craving. No amount of rehabilitation, nor education, nor reasoning, nor consequence will "cure" this nasty disease. She will always be at risk; the progressive nature of addiction moves the minute hand in fits and starts. It feels as if the countdown has already begun.

Let go? Let God? Difficult yes, especially hearing what we hear. In this most recent recovery we are now more afraid than ever about the chances for her survival.

For now, this is the only path we have. We all keep working, keep praying.