The Road Continues - Right Off the Deep End

Hello. Yes, people do relapse, in fact most addicts do, some again and again. At least one educational session informed us that relapse picks up where the last raging episode left off. Sarah's addiction drug her into the deep end leaving her floundering and gasping in the throes, but sadly not battling for recovery, instead embracing evil.

We've been ransoming Susan's jewelry and other material items of value, visiting more pawn shops in a week than either of us have been in ever in our lives. Once required waiting periods pass we'll get the last of what we know is missing. Sad the addict's trail of destruction, especially the destruction of trust, the loss of free will, choking fear, and damage to loving relationships.

Where is Sarah?

We know where, she's couch surfing for now at the apartment of co-workers, together with the red-headed devil BF. Her school status is doubtful. Her oral surgery for next week has been canceled because of the potential damage of the accompanying need to use pain killers. My guess is that her job will be short lived and since the devil BF hasn't worked in about a year, a crash is near.

Who is Sarah?

We know who she is, we love her, but the Sarah that left here is angry, afraid, hiding from reality, medicating her pain, and vomiting almost unbelievable behavior and anger. She and *(&(*)#+^$xx% BF got into a fight and she called the police, but of course, did not follow through with a complaint. Susan is afraid.

Meanwhile on the home front, the alarm is set, inside and outside doors are locked. Talk about chaos! And no, we were not in agreement about engaging the Police. After consulting with a well-know public defender it was clear the shock value of an arrest had the potential to back-fire. We'll keep our powder dry for the time being but we remain concerned that she'll soon be arrested for behavior typical of a addict at this stage.

Susan and I have fussed about enabling. I think we agree now that by continuing to enable we momentarily delay natural consequences. By taxiing, shuttling, etc. we interfere with the opportunity to face one's decisions. Our last big disagreement was over just such enabling - helping Sarah solve transportation problems. Maybe Susan's purse being taken at a service station near Sarah's crash-pad helped her understand the extent to which we have permitted chaos to take over our lives to say nothing of Sarah's life. Doggone chaos, doggone addiction, it might be causing more than just Sarah's demise.

What next?

We don't know. The door is only open but with more stringent rules of the house. More internal deadbolts. More serious recovery steps and sponsorship are required. At nearly 20 years she doesn't need a rigid regimen of rules, but then that's what prison offers. Home offers a similar regimen but with greater freedom and a path to recovery. The bar is probably too high for her to accept.

You might say we're at the fork in the road. Wonder which she'll take?

Why??