Once upon a time, 2 young hotshots launched themselves on an oddessy (odd-eusey?) in search of riches and fame. Nearly 75 years ago Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow met a posse led by Texas Ranger Frank Hamer, thus ending their lives but starting what was to become a romanticized Robin Hood fable.
Fast forwarding to the modern era, another Bonnie and Clod arose one Saturday afternoon believing that 2009 Stimulus Program should reward hard sleeping and drug use to match. Inspired by the TV commercial they drove on over to Menards Bank where they knew they could "save big money!" An unverified rumor is that they thought they might help out old Tim Geithner in his quest to take control of toxic assets.
Clod, planning to reinvent himself as a construction worker, and Bonnie, his ever faithful companion, searched the yellow brick aisles of the big box store hoping to score the keys to a bright future.
"If only we had a brain, courage, and a heart between us" sang the twins, "we'd be dangerous like the real Bonnie and Clyde". Oops, I'm mixing my movies here! How did Bonnie and Clod find the yellow-brick aisles on the road to OZ? I don't know but it is safe to blame the economy and the fuss over our second Irish President, O'Bama, visiting Notre Dame. (Gotta find someone to blame.)
One version of what happened next makes me want to cry. But I don't cause I'm a man.
With Mother's Day just 7 weeks away, Bonnie and Clod were shopping early for industrial grade tools for their decrepit but beloved mothers while simultaneously garnering the tools to demolish ol' Tim Geithner's toxic assets. An abundance of schooling inflamed both these geniuses to self-righteous outrage at the failure of US regulation of the finance industry, clearly joining their passionate response to that of vigilantes everywhere. With no local draft board to enlist them in the Army of the Outraged, citizens must take patriotic action to serve mothers and country.
That version of Saturday's events is a stretch - it is not even good copy for South Park. Let's try some other scenarios to get just the facts, ma'am!
Version 2: Bonnie and Clod, American Idols (Idles?) -- I don't have the energy to try that.
Version 3: Dancing with the Stars? -- Naw, Clod is a Skateboarder and we wouldn't want to get distracted with stereotypes, besides Bonnie is not your typical S-boarder groupie.
Version 4: The Great Race. Possible, but where are they going?
The winning version of Saturday's events is most likely to be shown on Jail - The TV Series!
So, what really happened in this fairy tale gone wild? Most believe the following story of the up-to-date Bonnie and Clod is not a double negative or a lie. Only the main characters are in denial.
- Bonnie and Clod got caught with some heavy iron from Menards. The store security guard said they didn't pay. "How do you define 'pay'?" "I did not have financial relations with that store!"
- Police hauled the pair off the the Marion County Corrections intake.
- Tom, ah, Clod that is, was incarcerated with the real men. ("He had nothing to do with it --- it was all my doing!" cried Bonnie.) Clod's little red 4-door chariot was impounded.
- Bonnie, the heroine (?), went behind bars. She even had her cell-phone taken away, that's how serious it was. And they were rude to her! And she couldn't work on her English / Psychology / History / Math thus jeopardizing her education.
- Appearing before a judge at o-dark-thirty, she was charged with 2-counts of something and then released.
- Appearing before a judge at approximately the same time, Clod too was charged.
- Miraculously, some say because of their clean living, Bonnie and Clod were released without having to post a bond for "just misdemeanors!" It was so trivial Bonnie left her court papers behind.
- Time? About 5:30 AM Sunday morning. Both were rescued by the people with whom they mooch a place to stay. Bonnie is concerned she lost her job for not showing up for work. Clod, not concerned, quoting Mad Magazine's mascot Alfred E. Neuman, said "What Me Worry?" "If I didn't have a job yesterday how could I lose what I didn't have? Besides, Bonnie makes enough money for both of us!"
- Thank goodness for their friends who arrived at the East Market Street lockup. Rescuing both Bonnie and Clod, they took them back to their lair where they are sleeping off some bad dream.
Our star of "Liar Liar Pants on Fire" said she was clean because she had no money and therefore wasn't using. However ... you decide! The truth makes those who love Bonnie weep!
When Clod gets his car back, the "wheelman" will be back in action. Imagined quotes tickle my imagination: "It wasn't me. Despite my arrest for dealing, despite my arrest for impaired driving, despite the check caper; despite my attempt at being a jewelry tycoon; I just like hangin' out out pawn shops; nobody's hiring; it's all her fault -- Bonnie made me do it! --- I'm innocent!" Makes grown men cry and crying men groan.
Finally, the third jpeg of this post is a new symbol to for the clueless duo to contemplate. The symbol of Marion County Corrections should stick in your eyes for a while, that is, unless Hamilton County gets there first. Clod's Ham County court date is about May 5th.
The names were changed to protect .... ok, not protect, to thinly disguise what really happened to 2 adults from the 'Hood.
P.S. Check out the link to YouTube: Amy Winehouse sings "Rehab"
http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=amy+winehouse+rehab+live&www_google_domain=www.google.com&hl=en&emb=0&aq=0&oq=Amy+Winehouse+Rehab#
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