Photo Credit to APRIL! She's not in this spontaneous photo because she shot us... sorta!As you can see the old folks were really boogie-ing in the kitchen. So we were a little posed but it really was a memorable Thanksgiving and a really good time! Family, cooking, laughing, watching movies, bowling, playing with Kienan, hanging with the dog, eating, loving ... darn good fun! Missed many at the table but we are confident you all had enough love, family, and food. No deprivation!
The strength of your prayers and the love of family came through this weekend. Thanks also to Sarah's own courage she is retracing some steps along the journey to recovery. Fearless! Make no mistake, admitting you need a refresher is just as difficult today as it was earlier, so tonight, Sarah is at Fairbanks in Indy. Keep up the prayers and celebrate this little victory!
The medical people said she needed detox ... I think that means she gets sprayed with DDT or something. Maybe brillo pads? Addiction is a family disease so I guess we should all get abraded to share Sarah's pain. We're on the journey with you but you're carrying the burden and must do the majority of the work.
We stand with you dear one! We're angry and frustrated at what and whom we know not. (OK, I really am steamed at T. E. / aka "bf" but that's one of my weaknesses.)
Oh, when we drove down from Ann Arbor and then made another round trip in the last 24 hours, I can tell you what withdrawal is like. You struggle to keep your eyes open, you need to drink a large quantity of fluids to sate the thirst. Eyes heavy you drift in and out of a conscious state. Sleeping and waking get confused. Mumbled words come from dreams intermixed with a desire to maintain conversation. And pain. And craving. Yes, you willingly break the law not understanding or caring about consequences. Blissful rest is a mere illusion followed by the real and recurring intervals of the same battle with the same demon. Pin point pupils, cold sweats, chills --- put on and take off layers of clothes. Turn up the heat and roll down the windows. Smoking doesn't really help and then the heebee geebies start. Eyes hurt. This description doesn't do justice to the injustice of the addicts' pain.
If you can accept that Sarah hates being an addict but that she is nearly powerless to break the addiction, then you "get it"! The ugly truth family of addicts struggle with each breath and each thought of the beloved.
Look hard at Sarah in the picture above. Can that same sweet child be a heroin addict carrying a burden greater than we ourselves can ever imagine? If you, like me, are incredulous and incensed, just know that she is too! She knows the pain inside and out. She's living it. She would stop if she could. She needs help to do that.
Your prayers and a recovery plan. Thank you.
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I was walk-talking with Kate last night right after I spoke with Ryan. The one thing we both kept coming back to was that neither one of us has a clue as to the "physics" of it. Hell, I can't even get a good read on the trajectory of it.
It was really clear last night, and the rarely seen stars were out, though I can't tell the big dipper from the little dipper anymore. No real night-sky reference this far away in time and space from the astronomy classes at Purdue where the class went to the frisbee-golf field in outer West Lafayette and looked up for a long eye-focusing moment while someone pointed out and explained the layout. Despite my curable ignorance, it was good to simply be under visible stars.
It was good to walk too. It was good to just be moving in the cold. It was good to think about my conversations with Sarah over the last couple weeks and feel like progress was being made. It was just a fleeting moment that I thought she has only been lying to me. That naive and vain thought quickly burned out though, and I returned to feeling like she was still there and trying really hard to figure things out. Trying to find the language.
Love you, Sarah. Love you, Pops.
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