The Battle Continues

Sarah continues her quest for independence. That is really good news as she transitions from living at home to living "away." I suggest that transition it is tougher today than in recent decades especially right out of high school. Living in Ann Arbor has had its bumps but she's adjusting to living with others, arranging transportation, managing time and commitments. When looked at from that perspective she is climbing a mountain with a heavy pack on her back just like others who've collected their degrees and are just now starting independent living.

We will not give up support and hope for Sarah and her recovery! With each success and despite setbacks, she is better equipped to fight on. We are proud that she is meeting the challenges to independent living.

Susan and I will not surrender in our war to support Sarah beating addiction. That execrable disease has its own battle plan, addling minds, shredding integrity and rationality, surrounding itself in chaos. Chaos lacks an identifiable plan to counter - that's the danger of it and the difficultly confronting it. But, driven by love and concern, our resolve remains constant.

Addicts can be crafty, skilled at deception, and unafraid of legal or social consequences. What action can you take to support, to encourage, and to love? We try to use communications, planning, agreement, and consistency to thwart manipulation and to reduce enabling behaviors. By gaining that tactical high ground we try to counter chaos, sometimes by confronting, sometimes by listening and clarifying, other times, just by loving. Our daily routine includes reassessment of the situation and options.

Our task is to question everything and to endeavor to do the right things right – avoiding the enabler’s minefield and firmly setting limits – so that we may contribute to her recovery. The temptation of the enabler is to do the wrong things right – we must forego that "feel-good sense of relief" by doing the wrong thing (enabling) because it only feeds the beast! Knowing the difference, however, is another matter.

Maybe when we learn by all of our errors we acquire wisdom. That is true for Sarah and for us, too! In that, Sarah is probably wiser, having learned more about hard living than we will ever appreciate. At this young age, she's acing the school of hard-knocks. As addiction takes a different course, Sarah will be stronger in the ways of the world, more than just being a survivor. I expect she will savor life's sweetness more and appreciate its gifts more deeply than her peers when she overcomes the beast.

The realization that we cannot win this war is a bit discouraging. Only Sarah can truly win the war. She is on a path to make that commitment, work the program, and fight the minute by minute struggle to stay clean. Sometimes she is successful and sometimes less so, but she fights on! Good for her! Great!

Even when being discouraged by setbacks and when seeing our own efforts failing to have a salutary effect, there is still hope. Sarah can prevail and shine, battle scars and all!

Don't leave the war room yet!