Some families enjoy traditions and one of our family traditions is spending time in Michigan! Susan's family cottage is usually the hub of the annual visit to that state. Now that the kids live coast to coast we are not able to relive that tradition on a grand scale, only in smaller less frequent reunions. Suze's family is pretty close - Chicago and Traverse City - so we're together with them more than with our kids' families.
The last big kid's gathering was at Pat & Becky's wedding. Four years earlier we reunited with our kids just before Conor was born. Uncle Tom joined us and we had a good time in 2 rented houses. Among the associated traditions are climbing Sleeping Bear, water sports, and getting beaten at Risk by Uncle Tom. In addition to Conor's birth Kate joined us.
Gma Betty started her own tradition of falling and breaking something for what seems to be successive years. Not all traditions are good!
Not being totally naive, I know of another tradition, maybe not good either. Maybe not bad. Who am I to judge? While Suze and I avoided the nightly beach campfires some sibling bonding took place over beer or a joint. Sarah claims she was into substance use by that time so she wasn't quite an innocent little lamb who was lured into her first toke in the relatively safe environment of the sibling circle. (No, not everyone in the family smokes weed or did so those nights. I'm pretty sure there are a few good Democrats in the family who tried it but didn't inhale! Like Al Gore, they don't want to pollute the environment?) When was Sarah's pre-disposition to addiction triggered?
Alcoholism runs though both sides of our family. Probably some diseases of the mind, too. Characterizing these generational diseases as "tradition" fails to recognize the science of addiction. Addiction is NOT tradition but it shows up in multiple generations! Respected authorities suggest that addiction might not be "voluntary!" All the more reason to be vigilant!
Be strong!
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2 comments:
I remember that trip, it was a lot of fun, and it was nice to have the whole family in one place at the same time.
While I was not present for the majority of the campfires, it is interesting how different things affect people in different ways.
Some kids handle a beer with brothers and sisters as a bonding experience and nothing more, while for others it is the first dip in the pool that is addiction. There is no way of knowing how each person will be affected by these events, and everyone should keep that in the back of their minds when in these types of situations.
The bottom line is that almost everyone who is and has been a part of Sarah's life has also probably contributed, albeit unknowingly in most situations, to her addiction.
When she is home and we see or talk to her, we need to remember Sarah as she was befoe she started down this path and do our best to help her find herself again. Ultimatey it is up to her, and all we can do is help and support, but if taking some responsibility for the current situation will enable us to be even a little more patient and understanding, maybe we can get back the "pre-addiction" Sarah we all knew.
I was at every campfire. I remember sitting and listening to Paul talk about how thunder was louder over the lake because the sound bounced off the water, so there was a kind of double clap - making it seem like a sound with two sources.
I also remember after I finished inpatient treatment that I owned my recovery and I got a little bit born again about it. Looking back, with the light of life since high school, it seems somewhat amusing, but I also understand that it was very necessary. I was empowered to refuse to be around alcohol and other drugs, and that power/ability to choose bled into other areas of my life.
I plan on using that time immediately after inpatient as a frame of reference when interacting with Sarah. Unfortunately, sharing beers etc is a good time for some of us and a way to unwind and bond as Pat says - and that won't be an option with Sarah. Even more unfortunate, though, is the situation at hand. Being vigilant about the present moment and all of its implications is a foregone conclusion. Especially since all it really takes for this family to unwind and bond is a good dinner and a fart joke or two.
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