Sarah Update

Here is the latest:

On Friday Sarah's counselor called to invite us to a "family of origin" weekend, July 18-20. We're going and that'll be the first time we've seen Sarah since she took up residence at the Ranch. Coincidentally, Sarah's first 4-week program cycle ends July 22nd. A few days before we visit, Sarah will hear staff's recommendation for on-going care and the next steps to her recovery. It will be up to her what to tell us.

Susan and I are acutely aware that Sarah is still on a significant daily dosage of a drug being administered to wean her from heroin. She is still pretty sleepy and not entirely focused. Last week she asked the doc to increase her dosage without discussing that with her counselor. Intuitively, if the plan is to wean her, that's the wrong direction. We believe it is likely Sarah plans to check out after this cycle and to again take up with her bf, assuming he is out of jail. The Ranch is protecting Sarah's privacy so we're only operating on clues.

To help the staff at the Ranch and Sarah in planning Susan and I developed a boundary agreement. Our boundary - our limits. The agreement restates our love for her and asks her to trust that we have her best interests in mind. That's risky because she is resistent to anything that isn't her choice. Therefore our boundary defines what is acceptable behavior in our home and what we are willing to support relative to her recovery. We have listed living options ranging from continuing recovery at the Ranch, chosing a half-way house outside Indiana, moving with Susan to Michigan, and even living in Carmel. While focused on Sarah, the agreements are really what Susan and I can live with and what we can't. Behavior that is acceptable and not.

You might say we've put a stake in the ground, drawn a line in the stand, or just plain pounded out a non-negotiable, mutually agreed statement that will end behaviors that have allowed Sarah / her disease to divide and conquer us, contrary to clean living. The rules are not optional. Marital health is also at stake.

We hope Sarah and her counselor will consider our input and incorporate the boundaries and options into their plans. Then Sarah can make her own choices. Yes, her life is still at risk. No, I don't believe she has drug and addiction-free thinking. I don't think Sarah's brain function equals or exceeds her chronological - legal age. You may recall from earlier blog entries that her chronological age is a problem. I don't know what else will work. The plans exclude the bf in all circumstances, a big risk. As Kevin says the forbidden fruit makes it all the more attractive a la Romeo and Juliet.

Turning things over to God does not necessarily mean removing one's hands from the wheel because it feels like I'm sitting in that "hot rod Lincoln." http://www.guntheranderson.com/v/data/hotrodli.htm

(To explain: I feel like I'm in that hot rod, screaming down that highway at a hundred in ten ... pretty much out of control! The second song on the Album cover above: I'll Step Aside.)