Safety First ... a reality-based approach to teens and drugs

According to a host of experts, and today I quote Marsha Rosenbaun, Ph.D., http://www.safety1st.org/ ... if you're a parent of a child of ANY age you will want to prepare yourself to talk about drugs. Maybe you need to explain to your kids what's going on with Sarah. Way back in 2006 one survey reports > 48% of h.s. seniors have tried illegal drugs, 37% used within the past month. Alcohol stats are even higher. Depending on the child, the location, the circumstances, that number may be much higher. The drugs, including pills, are more widely abused recreationally.

A personal belief of mine is that some parents are naive about why it is important to be vigilent when it comes to drugs and alcohol, but then again I tend to extend my code as the standard for others to follow. If you've read even a few of thes posts you know that there is room for lots of debate of the merits of my approach.

Back to my belief: there is an apparent tolerance for experimentation as parents self-justify that they're helping their child learn "responsible" drinking or marijuana use. Dr. Rosenbaum seems to support that notion. What happens if the parents abuse alcohol themselves; will the children be more likely to find a permissive or at least a "lax" environment.? If parents have alcoholic tendencies, what does that indicate for the children? I believe such an environment presents an increased pre-disposition for abuse. No facts to prove this, just anecdotes and personal observations. Wrong?

(Rosenbaum, page 8, "Safety First"): Although marijuana lacks the severe physical dependence associated with drugs such as alcohol and heroin, a minority of users find it psychologically difficult to moderate their use or quit. The vast majority of those who experience difficulty with marijuana also have pre-existing mental health problems that can be exacerbated by cannabis." Maybe Sarah had a difficult family environment because she certainly had difficulty moderating. We tested, she switched to pills, we tested, she switched, ultimately to heroin. Did our vigilence cause her to escalate? That's a scary scenario. I don't know the answer, but I know she developed sneaky, conniving, stubborn traits. Maybe our curfews and close monitoring, and our split-parental tolerance emboldened her. We didn't like bf. Did she increase her addiction to drugs and bf to "show us"? Holy cow! What's a parent to do? Dr. Rosenbaum says that misinforming and scaring kids about mj can cause teens to "become cynical and lose confidence in what we, as parents and teachers, tell them." Kids become cynical and lose confidence? Brain explosion.! I rejected a fair amount of parental discipline and got my way ... and the bill, too.

Today we learned Sarah was banned from phone use not once, but twice this week. We speculate that bf got out of jail and was due to get an evaluation at Fairbanks, one of the area's treatment programs. She apparently was trying to call him and used the phone despite a restriction. No phone for a week! (Good!) Evidence that the road is long....(Bad!)

Dr. Rosenbaum postulates that Zero-tolerance policies of parents and schools are back-firing. Same may be true of tough love. I guess I'm in trouble because I've been firm about expectations and consequences. Out of touch? I'm looking at that in light of drug use by at least 3 in the family. What is really taking place may be that the using teen finds ways around rules, discounts rules, or ultimately no longer cares if she's caught.

One very consistent theme is that the addict must agree treatment and work the recovery plan. We'll set boundaries and facing consequences for her choices will be unwaivering. We may be unanimous on that this time.

Rosenbaum says "Trust your instincts, which are to love your kids enought to give them the space to explore and grow, to forgive their mistakes and to accept them for who they are." Pretty stark advice when viewed in perspective of what I've expected of our kids. Ouch. Darn.

Did I blow it? Did my angry reactions drive her further into use? I don't know. "You do the best you can." From here we can only work on today and tomorrow. But yet, one regrets the yesterday most often in the face of an ugly today.

Finally, just a perspective in the following message. What follows has been lifted from another blogger ... just for insight.... pardon some of the language.

I’ve no problems with drugs, really. At least responsible drug use. I personally prefer psychedelics. Some prefer stimulants. It’s not the drug use I have a problem with; instead rather the addictions. Or what the addictions seem to imply. I like to think drugs should only enhance, not replace. And shouldn’t be a reason to excuse but understand personal behavior.

No, what scares me is the escapism. We all escape with various addictions, whether sex, drugs, or rock and roll. But, the scary thing about escapism through drugs is that it prevents one from seeing exactly what one is escaping. An attempt to get outside of oneself, or to not feel, or to feel more. Whatever the reasons, seeking it only because it provides temporary pleasure only makes it harder to deal with the underlying problem. And, just like psychedelics, if you’re having a bad trip in life, you’re probably going to have a bad trip on whatever you’re taking. Maybe not initially, but as your body can tolerate the drug more and more, one eventually reach a point where running is no longer an option and you have to face reality.

I guess I’m basing this off of only numerous trips to one bar in particular, but the overall sense I got was at first the freedom to be oneself. But then, after the novelty wore off it turned into a place that reeked of desperation. Desperation of acceptance, desperation to get laid, desperation of human interaction. All these needs to be met, and solace found in some type of drug.

I’m a huge advocate for people coping in their own ways; if drugs are one of them, then so be it. It can quicken the realization process. But for those who run and run, and never face the realization of what they’re running from, or even worse denial of what they’re running from prevents them from achieving what they truly want in life. Again, brilliant people use drugs and function. Sometimes it enhances their work. The point again isn’t drug use being bad, but the escapism.

Two purposes in human nature rule. Self love to urge, and reason to restrain.

Alexander Pope, 1688-1744

Maybe you know you’re lonely, and drugs provide relief from that pain. Maybe you wish for acceptance, perhaps ashamed at what you’ve become or this isn’t the life you pictured. Whatever it is you wish for or are running from. Change the things you want. Take back control of your life. The greatest addiction is the addiction to human interaction. Yes, your body can actually mimic those same highs, using natural drugs. In fact, when you feel these natural highs, drugs can sometimes enhance them, like several glasses of cabernet enjoyed over a dinner made with friends at one in the morning. Or a bowl shared among friends. Drugs can help us let down barriers and connect in situations we wouldn’t think we could connect. Using drugs alone, however, prevent that connection and only exacerbate the reasons one is escaping.

Peace. oldyeller.